Honoring my father in law

  My father in law passed away two weeks ago. His body battled to live despite his repeated abuse and neglect of the vessel he dwelled in.
 He was the most kindest man you could ever meet in this lifetime, never had a bad word to say about anyone despite being surrounded by a wife and step children that had plenty to say about him. He had learned to deal with this with alcohol so between that and his chain smoking, along with his horrible diet and zero exercise once he retired from the Air Force, his body had a lot of things to fight against and no ammunition to fight it. We often said had he taken care of himself he would be outliving us all.
His battle started 16 years ago when he had a heart attack and requires a trip led by pass. He was warned by his doctor then that he needed to stop smoking and exercise but like the majority of heart attach survivors I would imagine, he quickly fell back to his old ways and without a wife supporting him in a lifestyle change for she was a heavy smoker, loathes any form of physical exertion and lives off of Diet Coke, the odds were really stacked against him.
 His final days were tragic, so much fluid in his lungs that he only had 10% function in his lungs and when they tried a procedure to remove the fluid, doctors had to perform cpr four times to bring him back but sadly, tests revealed no brain function so he had passed away with only machines keeping his broken body going.
 I am struggling with what to say to others about his passing. I think when people are killed after being flung from cars because they didn’t put their seat belt on, or they fell from their bike without a helmet on, that people are quick to say, “this is why you wear a seat belt, a helmet, treat all guns as loaded,” etc but with people that died from decades long of ill health that didn’t have to be, we just sort of shrug and move on with the status quo.
 My family is very long lived, into their 90’s and 100’s so as I approach 40 in the next few years I don’t consider myself middle aged yet, I am saving that for 50! While I have never smoked, I don’t drink beyond a couple frou frou drinks a year, and I exercise pretty regularly, I feel like my diet needs a good overhaul.
 I have tried the grass fed, organic route for quite a few years but honestly I am not convinced that this is much healthier. I am surrounded by people that hunt and eat only meat that they have killed themselves and I see no health benefits. Granted often these people aren’t eating wild for their health and typically drink and or smoke and eat processed foods so my anecdotal cases are truly without scientific basis! I just don’t see the health benefits of free range meat.
 What I do see that inspires me towards a more healthy way of eating is whole food plant based way of eating. Not simply vegan or vegetarian since one can live off of Oreos and Mountain Dew and still live a vegan lifestyle, but eating for actual health and not for cruelty free reasons. I hear from too many people that point to someone they know that was a vegetarian and suffered from a heart atta k or cancer. One must know how they actually ate before they throw the whole idea out the window and dig into a cheeseburger.
 So in honor of my father in law’s memory, I am going to try to do better, for myself and my kids, because I don’t want them to suffer through the same heart break, either in watching me as my body gives out, or with their own health.

You Are What You Think

Once again, a race will come and go without me even attempting to cross the finish line. Why? Why have I failed THIS time? I have a million reasons that piled one on top of the other and it isn't even worth recounting all of them because ultimately, do they matter? No, the only thing that matters is I failed. AGAIN.

 I was listening to Jamil Coury this morning on Ginger Runner and he was talking about what he considered failures but of course to mere mortal me, simply a wanna be runner, I am thinking, "wow,  you attempted the Barkely THREE times. how can you consider that a FAILURE?" He still pushes on, he is honest with what he feels are his weaknesses and he puts it all out there, he doesn't just post his successes which is a huge reason I think he is awesome, along with Ethan and Kim Newberry. Yes, these runners are on a completely different plane from me, but I can set my own bar and wow is it amazingly low!

 Why even keep going? I ask myself this on a daily basis. Two years now of running and so far the longest distance I have ever run at one time is a half marathon distance. Following the Hanson's Marathon Method I was really doing good, even though it was all treadmill miles (don't even get me started on what it is like to live on the plains during the third worst winter in Montana) and I was tackling up to 11 miles but then when the first 15 mile run appeared on my schedule, mentally I told myself I couldn't do. So of course I didn't.

 My husband made a great point and I should have listened to him when he told me, you should at least start it, but I didn't. I found an excuse to not run that Sunday and the missed long runs compiled like dominoes until it became clear that there was no way I could tackle that marathon distance on April 14th. Then do the half, was my husband's response. Yes! fantastic solution, until a facebook post popped up one day telling me the half was officially full.

 What? there was actually a max amount of runners allowed? All my ambition flew out the window.

We are still going to Washington for the week (where the race is happening) so I did a quick search and found there are a couple of other half marathons going on that I can sign up for so it may not be a total loss. We shall see.

 Meanwhile, here in Montana, on the first day of spring, there is no sign of it in sight. Snow is still lining our driveway and I go out in the morning to feed animals bundled in my heavy coat and gloves, chipping off the ice from the top of the water trough. The grass is the typical prairie brown with no green even hinting at springing up from the earth.

 Two weeks ago my family spent four nights on the Oregon Coast, enjoying sunshine and nearly 70 degree days and we were so incredibly happy. I was able to do a couple four mile runs before sunset out along the water and I was reminded of how great running was when you weren't pushing a button to adjust your speed.

 After Oregon we drove up to Bellingham for two days, where we are from, just a couple days from the Chuckanut 50k and I shed a few tears as I checked the website where the times for aid station check ins were being posted. I really hope to be back home for the next race, this time not just visiting, and I can be running those trails on a regular basis. Oh, to be running amongst the trees again!

When your damn horse steps on your foot at week 10 of your marathon training

  Yesterday was a big life failure all around. First, I was scheduled to a 15 mile long run. The weather in this rotten neck of the woods has slowly been changing but still miserable enough to make running outdoors more a chore than the treadmill. I can endure the 25 degree temps but running into the wind is freaking miserable. I did a six mile run on Saturday in the wind and it sucked, then I woke up Sunday morning and told my husband, who am I kidding? I can’t run 15 miles today!

 “You should at least start the run,” he told me. Okay, I can see the wisdom in that, until our son reminds us we promised a trip to the hot springs an hour away and I secretly celebrate a touchdown dance in my head. No long run for me!!

 After the hot springs and a shopping trip to Costco since we live over 80 miles away from the nearest  Costco, it was too late for even starting a long run.

 Okay, okay, I will get back on track in the morning. That was until my horse stepped on my foot. The first three toes are bruised at the base. Pretty sure they aren’t broken but I am going to be safe and not  run today so I delay any healing. I think the elliptical will be a safe workout so at least I am doing something.

 Onward and upward!

14 weeks to go

  Last year I was a huge failure at running. Every run I settled on, it would turn out my boys had a swim meet that weekend two or more hours in the other direction. The whole state of Montana seemed to be on fire and air quality for running was not good. We went on some fun trips, you know, life got in the way and that is totally fine. Our boys will only be young once and I refuse to put my hobby before them.

 This time around, I managed to find a run that gives the boys and me an excuse to go home to Washington to run a marathon, spend my oldest’s birthday there, and just hang out for a week. It will be awesome!

 So, once I picked out the run, I settled on following the Hanson’s Marathon Method after reading the book. I tried the Hal Higdon for the half two years ago and honestly I felt like crap. I had a horrible time of two and a half hours and just barely beat the walking group. It was miserable. I tried again with a marathon plan but didn’t get more than six weeks into the plan before my “long runs” felt like crap and I never managed to complete the runs without walking a good portion of the way.

 When I started reading about the Hanson Method it made a whole lot of sense and the runners on their Facebook page had me convinced I needed to give it a try.

 Honestly, three easy runs though out the week and then one long one on the weekend just didn’t make me feel any stronger or give me any better endurance. I still couldn’t run all the way through more than three miles without taking walk breaks and I couldn’t get over the thought that that was just ridiculous! All of these marathoners were talking about running the whole race with no walk breaks and I can’t even get past three?? I just wanted to be better, not necessarily killing it time wise and placing in my age group or anything crazy like that after all I am not insane, but just a better runner than what I was.

 The weather has been ridiculous, like negative 25 ridiculousness, and with the boys at swim meet practice at our gym five nights a week for two hours, the treadmill really is the only way for me to run right now. For me, it’s harder to run on the treadmill than outside. It’s too easy to just stop and walk, or slow down, when I am outside and running alone. With the treadmill I have to actually stick with a speed and peer pressure from runners around me keep me from walking all the time. I can adjust the incline and out here on the Plains it is difficult to find hills unless. My typical running routes are pancake flat. Hence, my treadmill life. On the plus side, I am reading that treadmilll running results in fewer injuries, so there’s that, oh, and I have been catching up with all the last Ginger Runner live videos on YouTube. Big plus there.

 Once the snow melts I will try and get more outside runs in, so maybe June, July, after the marathon!