Finding My Happy Place

 

At one point in my life, I lived and breathed horses. From the age of two I was up on the back of one with my mother, riding up Mt. Si of all places, a mountain that I just read in Scott Jurger's book, Eat and Run, was a fantastic mountain to train for ultra runs.

 

 

 I was never without a horse, for pretty much all of my life and I was determined that they made me happy, they were the one thing I would cling to and refuse to give up when my boys came into the picture. Fast forward to a year ago and it all came to a head, our move to Montana seemed to show me how really unhappy horses made me. They cost a ridiculous amount of money, they are a tremendous amount of work, especially when you keep them at home, and quite honestly, the majority of horse people, at least for me, are not people you want to hang out with. I don't know what it is that brings out the worst in people when it comes to horses but it never fails, gossiping and nastiness will weasel it's way in to the conversations, especially online, pretty quickly. When I take a weekend trip with the family to go mountain biking, at the end of the day I am pumped up by all the friendly people you meet out on the trails, when I used to come home from a day at the barn, it wasn't unusual for me to be in tears for one reason or another. Whether it was a nasty barn owner, a rude fellow boarder or a lame horse, I am just to the point that I am tired of it all. Not to mention all of the time it takes away from my family. I don't like being away from them, my husband works 12 hour shifts and we are apart enough due to that, my boys will be grown and on their own soon enough, I cherish every moment I am lucky to have with them. When I run, they either run with me or ride a bike, or I get up so early that they are still asleep before I get home. This is what I I have realized is what makes me the most happy.

  I read a lot of times where people say running takes away time from the family but in comparison to my other hobby, it doesn't and it can easily be turned into a family adventure whether they bike or run alongside you and having a healthy parent is a good thing, encouraging them to be active as well. I know when kids are little it isn't that easy. Our running never lasted long due to living in the rainy PNW and not wanting to drag them (or ourselves) out in the rain, but now at 11 and 13 it is much easier.

 Running a 5k, as opposed to attending a horse show, was a huge morale booster for me. I was so happy and thrilled at my piddly accomplishment and by the encouraging and friendly people that were involved with the race, it was a night and day experience from a horse show. Life is too short not to find things that make you walk away from happy and encouraged as opposed to crying and dejected.

 My husband says I am going through a midlife crisis I early, I don't know, maybe he is right but I kind of feel like the odd thing about finding yourself, is actually true. Maybe all these years I just haven't really ever found the real me, until now.