You Are What You Think

Once again, a race will come and go without me even attempting to cross the finish line. Why? Why have I failed THIS time? I have a million reasons that piled one on top of the other and it isn't even worth recounting all of them because ultimately, do they matter? No, the only thing that matters is I failed. AGAIN.

 I was listening to Jamil Coury this morning on Ginger Runner and he was talking about what he considered failures but of course to mere mortal me, simply a wanna be runner, I am thinking, "wow,  you attempted the Barkely THREE times. how can you consider that a FAILURE?" He still pushes on, he is honest with what he feels are his weaknesses and he puts it all out there, he doesn't just post his successes which is a huge reason I think he is awesome, along with Ethan and Kim Newberry. Yes, these runners are on a completely different plane from me, but I can set my own bar and wow is it amazingly low!

 Why even keep going? I ask myself this on a daily basis. Two years now of running and so far the longest distance I have ever run at one time is a half marathon distance. Following the Hanson's Marathon Method I was really doing good, even though it was all treadmill miles (don't even get me started on what it is like to live on the plains during the third worst winter in Montana) and I was tackling up to 11 miles but then when the first 15 mile run appeared on my schedule, mentally I told myself I couldn't do. So of course I didn't.

 My husband made a great point and I should have listened to him when he told me, you should at least start it, but I didn't. I found an excuse to not run that Sunday and the missed long runs compiled like dominoes until it became clear that there was no way I could tackle that marathon distance on April 14th. Then do the half, was my husband's response. Yes! fantastic solution, until a facebook post popped up one day telling me the half was officially full.

 What? there was actually a max amount of runners allowed? All my ambition flew out the window.

We are still going to Washington for the week (where the race is happening) so I did a quick search and found there are a couple of other half marathons going on that I can sign up for so it may not be a total loss. We shall see.

 Meanwhile, here in Montana, on the first day of spring, there is no sign of it in sight. Snow is still lining our driveway and I go out in the morning to feed animals bundled in my heavy coat and gloves, chipping off the ice from the top of the water trough. The grass is the typical prairie brown with no green even hinting at springing up from the earth.

 Two weeks ago my family spent four nights on the Oregon Coast, enjoying sunshine and nearly 70 degree days and we were so incredibly happy. I was able to do a couple four mile runs before sunset out along the water and I was reminded of how great running was when you weren't pushing a button to adjust your speed.

 After Oregon we drove up to Bellingham for two days, where we are from, just a couple days from the Chuckanut 50k and I shed a few tears as I checked the website where the times for aid station check ins were being posted. I really hope to be back home for the next race, this time not just visiting, and I can be running those trails on a regular basis. Oh, to be running amongst the trees again!

When your damn horse steps on your foot at week 10 of your marathon training

  Yesterday was a big life failure all around. First, I was scheduled to a 15 mile long run. The weather in this rotten neck of the woods has slowly been changing but still miserable enough to make running outdoors more a chore than the treadmill. I can endure the 25 degree temps but running into the wind is freaking miserable. I did a six mile run on Saturday in the wind and it sucked, then I woke up Sunday morning and told my husband, who am I kidding? I can’t run 15 miles today!

 “You should at least start the run,” he told me. Okay, I can see the wisdom in that, until our son reminds us we promised a trip to the hot springs an hour away and I secretly celebrate a touchdown dance in my head. No long run for me!!

 After the hot springs and a shopping trip to Costco since we live over 80 miles away from the nearest  Costco, it was too late for even starting a long run.

 Okay, okay, I will get back on track in the morning. That was until my horse stepped on my foot. The first three toes are bruised at the base. Pretty sure they aren’t broken but I am going to be safe and not  run today so I delay any healing. I think the elliptical will be a safe workout so at least I am doing something.

 Onward and upward!

14 weeks to go

  Last year I was a huge failure at running. Every run I settled on, it would turn out my boys had a swim meet that weekend two or more hours in the other direction. The whole state of Montana seemed to be on fire and air quality for running was not good. We went on some fun trips, you know, life got in the way and that is totally fine. Our boys will only be young once and I refuse to put my hobby before them.

 This time around, I managed to find a run that gives the boys and me an excuse to go home to Washington to run a marathon, spend my oldest’s birthday there, and just hang out for a week. It will be awesome!

 So, once I picked out the run, I settled on following the Hanson’s Marathon Method after reading the book. I tried the Hal Higdon for the half two years ago and honestly I felt like crap. I had a horrible time of two and a half hours and just barely beat the walking group. It was miserable. I tried again with a marathon plan but didn’t get more than six weeks into the plan before my “long runs” felt like crap and I never managed to complete the runs without walking a good portion of the way.

 When I started reading about the Hanson Method it made a whole lot of sense and the runners on their Facebook page had me convinced I needed to give it a try.

 Honestly, three easy runs though out the week and then one long one on the weekend just didn’t make me feel any stronger or give me any better endurance. I still couldn’t run all the way through more than three miles without taking walk breaks and I couldn’t get over the thought that that was just ridiculous! All of these marathoners were talking about running the whole race with no walk breaks and I can’t even get past three?? I just wanted to be better, not necessarily killing it time wise and placing in my age group or anything crazy like that after all I am not insane, but just a better runner than what I was.

 The weather has been ridiculous, like negative 25 ridiculousness, and with the boys at swim meet practice at our gym five nights a week for two hours, the treadmill really is the only way for me to run right now. For me, it’s harder to run on the treadmill than outside. It’s too easy to just stop and walk, or slow down, when I am outside and running alone. With the treadmill I have to actually stick with a speed and peer pressure from runners around me keep me from walking all the time. I can adjust the incline and out here on the Plains it is difficult to find hills unless. My typical running routes are pancake flat. Hence, my treadmill life. On the plus side, I am reading that treadmilll running results in fewer injuries, so there’s that, oh, and I have been catching up with all the last Ginger Runner live videos on YouTube. Big plus there.

 Once the snow melts I will try and get more outside runs in, so maybe June, July, after the marathon!

Never skip out on arm day

 I have only recently adopted this mantra, and by recently I mean today.

We spent our usual week in Whistler, B.C and became the people we wish we could be year round. Our days began with a run around the golf course, coffee in the village and then the rest of the day mountain biking, hiking and a white water rafting adventure.
 I would thoroughly enjoy living in a condo so I could avoid yard work and just step outside to enjoy nature without the mundane chores. Ah, life goals.

 Upon the return to Montana, my husband became inspired to hit the gym on a regular basis. Being surrounded by active people and beautiful scenery can have that affect on you. Getting in the gym is easier when your kids have to be there anyway for swimming and karate.

 After only five days of working out I could already see the difference in his face and physique (this is why men suck, I train for a marathon and gain weight, he works out for five days and loses a chin) so I was inspired to have him help me with weight lifting.

 I have been watching with horror as my upper arms have gotten bigger, and not in a good way. This past two years have morphed me into someone I only saw during two pregnancies, despite all my running.

 I have hit the weights pretty hard with hubby. I see no change but have definitely noticed it in myself because I can actually pick up an 80 pound bale of hay again and don't have to flip it end over end from the back of the truck into the barn.

 The snow has already hit here. Zero degrees in the first week of November is a depressing warning of what the rest of the winter is going to be. Only four and a half more months of this. Yah. Needless to say my outdoor running is done. I'll do what I can on the treadmill but for now I am focusing on getting stronger and weight loss. I am not happy with the weight I am at and the heavier I am the slower I run.

 I would love to set a goal for a run, preferably one of the rainshadow runs like the Orcas 25 or 50k but unfortunately, life is just too up in the air to schedule anything like that. Once again praying that we won't be in Montana in a few months, being one thing, too.

 I wish I was seeing a miraculous change, like the stories you read about in magazines and on Instagram stories, but I haven't in myself. Other than a mental coping mechanism for getting through this time in life, at this point that is probably enough!

Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans

And this is especially true when you're a mom.

 The past three runs I had planned for, my boys ended up having a swim meet on each one of those race days. Soooooo, plans went by the wayside, running was dismal and half hearted and here I sit having my long runs at 6 miles.

 My oldest son has been such an incredible inspiration to me. He decided last summer after watching the summer Olympics, specifically Michael Phelps, that he wanted to try competitive swimming. August 11th will be the one year mark from when he took his first swimming lesson with the head coach of his swim team, to learn all the different strokes, and the weekend after next he will be swimming three different events at the state finals for long course.

 He has worked so hard these past few months after his coach told him not to expect to make state finals for two to three years, and I feel like a big hypocrite when I encourage him to go to practice when he doesn't feel like it yet here I sit, not working towards my own fitness goals, so I told him I was going to start on the marathon plan, whether I run an official race or just do it on my own. His response was the kick in the butt I needed when he said was I going to stick to this one this time, because I had announced a couple times now that I was following a plan and well, I was a big failure! Okay, I added the failure part.

 So yes, I am sticking to this one! I am on week two, a few of the runs have been treadmill runs since we are hovering in the 90's with terrible air quality because of multiple fires burning around the area.

 One big thing I am aiming is losing weight. Running with this extra weight just sucks. My knees are making crunching noises when I go up the stairs, my minutes per mile are two minutes slower than they were before I moved to Montana and gained depression weight, and  quite frankly I feel like crap when I put on my clothes so I determined. Yeah, yeah, I know. Don't try to lose weight while training for a marathon! I have been reading up on nutrition and am doing better energy wise and so far I am feeling good. If I start to feel drained I will change things up.

 So there it is, one week down, 17 to go!!

When it's your long run day but you're just too damn busy

 Week six of my training plan to my June 10th 30K actually became a repeat of week five because of the week from hell that resulted in a horse to the vet and a $1,000 plumbing disaster, so I had to do a re-do.

 The smaller runs were easy to do on the treadmill when the kids were at swimming and karate, my youngest son decided to start running with me this past week, too. Yah!

 The ten mile run was going to be a struggle. Montana weather is still winter, and being that we are on the prairie, finding a day that isn't blowing a stampede of tumbleweeds across endless miles of nothingness is a rarity but I tried it outside nonetheless.

 Two miles was all I managed. It was like running in mud up to my knees. My son was struggling to pedal his bike alongside of me, my chest ached from the cold wind and I bailed.

 Attempt number two at getting 8 more miles in was done at the gym on a treadmill while my son had a one hour karate class. Five miles accomplished this time but once again had to bail so we could drive into Helena for grocery shopping. I was bound and determined to get my ten miles in, even if it is rather unconventional to do a long run in stages, at least mentally I would feel accomplished!

 After dinner, we headed out to the OTHER gym we have a membership at and I ran as fast as my lungs and achy legs could handle. Week five complete, 10 miles down.

 The treadmill miles this week owe many thanks to the Ginger Runner to sidetrack me from the endless miles of boredom.

A goal! Yes, I finally have a race!

So I finally bit the bullet and chose a race. I told my husband I was going to make the depressing assumption that we were still going to be here this summer and his response was something along the lines of "I hope not but you might want to prepare yourself for the fact that we may be." So I found a race far away from the flat, color of dirt, landscape that we live in and selected the
St. Regis Trail Rail Run in June in St. Regis, Montana.

 Since it is about a four drive, I felt like driving all that way I should at least make it a worthwhile run and with four full months to prepare, the 30k seemed attainable. I was, after all, able to drag my sad self over the finish line of a half marathon. What's six more miles?

 I printed out the Hal Higdon Novice marathon training plan and tweaked it a bit with the mileage. I absolutely don't want to repeat how I trained for the half marathon in August by not running the race distance before the actual race. The farthest distance on the half marathon plan was ten miles and the last 3 were a killer, so this time around I plan on running 18 miles before the actual race.

 Week one called for three days of 3 mile runs with a jump to 6 miles on the long run day. Yeah, I told myself, probably not happening. I haven't run 6 miles in two or three months. My son had swim team practice the day of my long run so I had to run on the treadmill. I told myself I could probably make it to 5 miles, and that would be a stretch but once I hit 5 I surprisingly felt pretty good and managed the last mile. Week one of my 30k training was complete!